“How much of what makes me myself is rooted in mental illness?” is the question on my mind today. I’ve never been big into diagnoses for that exact reason, I don’t want my identity to be wiped out by the DSM. But I will admit that I struggle. Would figuring my brain out more and then receiving proper treatment be beneficial? Yes. Do I feel some grief come up with the thought of “losing” parts of myself that feel close to my identity? Also yes.
I’m sure that treating the parts of my brain that fall into unhelpful traps would serve me in the long run. However, as mentioned on a previous post, so much of who I am feels shaped by these mental quirks. I don’t necessarily want to lose parts of myself, especially the ones that make me unique.
Maybe it’s a matter of sorting what I actually want to keep, versus what could be sent straight to the spam folder, never to be missed. I do think part of my mental quirks isolate me and stress me out on a daily basis. It may be getting in my way in more ways than I even realize.
Thankfully, I have the most incredible psychiatrist – someone who is so thorough and comprehensive in her treatment, that it’s utterly shocking. I’ve never experienced such profound professional care. This brings me hope, knowing that I’m in good hands.
Maybe the reason why life is so slow right now, why I have all of this extra time on my hands, and why I’m in a state of complete rest, is so that I can actually, wholly, and finally heal.